Guidelines on "How To Be a Good
Master or Mistress"
Guidelines on "How To Be a Good
Master or Mistress"
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Content Copyright © 2001-2015 DrGraceG
I found a wonderful article while I was searching for this subject.
The author only signs as "Master" so I can't say his name to give him credit,
but here is the link:
The below content is just copied and pasted from his blog.

General Thoughts:

While I believe that patience is one key element of being a good Master another one is that you can accept to be
adored. It sounds odd that one needs to learn how to deal with the adoration of someone they are tied into, due
to a relationship. Your slave’s adoration is so much more, it expands past any­thing a wife or a girl­friend
could offer you, unless she is also your submissive.

How would you treat your slave? How would you treat the one thing that is one of the rarest combinations of
devotion and dedication to come by? How do you treat the rarest commodity on the planet?
How do you treat the 400 year old painting, the 2000 year old vase? You would treat them with utter care
and respect.

Your slave is your investment, not only into the relationship that you and her are living, not only in the
unspoken rules of the M/s life­style but also in the pool trust necessary to allow her to surrender herself to

You would not deliberately damage any of the things I mentioned above, bit through physical action and I
doubt you would do some­thing that is going to pay bad dividends either. Your slave should be as precious to
you as anything else that you have value for, and then about 1000 times more.

I own a fairly expensive mountain bike and I expect that bike to operate at peek condition.  I have fallen,
with my bike, down the side of steep hills, and I have crashed my bike more than once while riding. That
does not mean that I am not taking extraordinary care of my bike after the run is over. I clean my bike, I oil
my bike, I replace worn parts, I hone, I squeeze and tweak and I ensure that after a rough day on the track,
my bike sparkles before it goes back on the hook.

Your slave is like that bike, when you leave such abstract things as feeling, and human nature, aside. You
might be in a position where you can abuse, use and treat your slave viciously. She will function, she will
prob­ably do her very best to give you what you demand, but when you have received that gift of
dependability and obedience, it is time for you to return some­thing. Your slave, just like the bike, needs to
be pampered, cared for, and some­times parts need to be fixed. You can­not expect your slave, just like the
bike, to function indefinitely when you never invest any love and care in her.
The Human Aspect:

When the poet roman Juvenal was asked what a human should desire in their life, part of his answered

…orandum est ut sit mens sana in corpore sano…

which translates as:

It is to be prayed that the mind be sound in a sound body

Your slave’s mental health is determined by how much time you spend understanding her needs and
anticipating her fears. If you treat her concerns, her doubts, her fears, her insecurities as galling interruptions
to you bigger plans, then you will soon end up with a slave unable or unwilling to serve you.

Without trust, every M/s relationship is very close to the abyss of becoming and abusive relationship. Abuse
is not only something that can be defined by physical abuse, there are enough ways to abuse a human being
by abusing their mind.
Just to remind you abuse is often defined as:

* Physical: Hitting, pushing, biting, punching, choking…
* Emotional: cursing swearing, attacks on self-esteem, blaming,
criticizing herr thoughts/feelings…
* Psychological: Threatening, throwing, smashing, breaking
things, punching walls, hiding things…
* Sexual: any non-consenting sexual act or behaviour…

Anything which can damage the trust between you and your slave need to be addressed, that is your
investment into her mental health, which is just as important as her physical health.
Slave Adore­a­tion:

I am often in a position where my slave explains to me, that she believes me to be smart, cunning and the
best possible choice she could have made in her life, that I cannot possibly fail her and that all the doubts I
have about my abilities are unfounded, that indeed I have become her, very personal, god.
While that is flattering and your first reaction might be to puff your chest and strut around proudly like a
peacock you should stop and think about what an Honor that is. As a Master you need to continually
improve your skills and the way you interact with your slave. You need to understand not only what you are
doing, but how you are doing it, and in what way it will influence your slave.
Being Lazy:

Being regarded as someone that as almost infallible you naturally put less focus on improving your­self, but
that is the worst thing you can possibly do. It is important to mention that her adoration in you... will only
grow, through once you show how dedicated you are to take her words into account and yet still improve
yourself, taking a step further down the path of being a good Master for her. You should not allow yourself to
be or get lazy, I would argue that one aspect of a good Master is the ability to find something to improve.
Whether that is your understanding of bondage or anything else does not matter, you need to show just as
much dedication, as your slave shows towards you.

I will assume that you are in control of yourself. I have to, because otherwise we would already have a
situation which is born out of an abusive relationship. You need to show restraint in the treatment of your
slave. If you own a car you would not use it to do the work of a tank. If you own a small house you would
not have thirteen people live in it. You need to ensure that your wishes are tailored to what your slave can
return. Through her physical abilities, just as much as her mental ones.

The desires you have, need to match the abil­it­ies of your slave and while I feel it is your duty, just as much
as it is mine, to stretch and push my slave’s abilities, it has to be done with utter care. Like bending a piece
of wood, when done properly and with care, you can bend a piece of wood into something amazing, if you
do it with force and show no patience, the wood will break, and all your investment is gone.
Impatience is the arch enemy of any good Master.
Resetting Expectations:

Before we can venture further down this path of learning I need to reset your expectation. You can not Make
someone your slave, nor can you magically make them want you to be their owner or dominant partner. You
should always be aware that you best course of action is a safe, sane and most importantly consensual one.

Compliance which has been enforced by using force is short lived, you are most likely interested in building
a strong, longer lasting relationship based on dominance and submission. To achieve this goal you will have
to think of your dominance as a tool.
Lure Them
The dictionary defines seduction as:
Main Entry: se·duc·tion Pro­nun­ci­ation:si-‘d&k-sh&n
Func­tion: noun Ety­mo­logy: Middle French, from Late Latin seduction-, seductio, from Latin, act of
leading aside, from seducere

* 1 : the act of seducing; especially : the enticement of a person
to sexual intercourse * 2 : something that seduces : TEMPTATION
* 3 : something that attracts or charms

When you think of your dominance as a tool, you should be thinking of it as a partner which can help you to
achieve what is described above in last point of the word’s definition. You should be able to attract and
charm the person you wish to engage with in a Master/slave relationship. Just likes bees are drawn to
flowers and a drug addict needs the daily fix, you will need to develop an understanding of the person you
wish to lure into your dominance and you will need to understand
what makes them come back.
Think of it as a very simple economic experiment, which would sound something like this:

* 1. Find a natural need or desire, and satisfy it as long and as many
times as she wants and needs it
* 2. Generate an artificial desire which is similar to the one you found
* 3. Let that artificial desire prosper and grow, building on it.

Example Please

Theory is sometimes dry and not very helpful, so let us try to put my key principles to the test by illustrating
them with a made up example.

Let us assume you have found out that your partner likes to receive some form of smacking to her ass while
indulging in regular intercourse with you. You have just managed to find a natural desire, so why would you
not go away and learn more about spanking. Armed with that knowledge you can then indulge with your
partner, spank her properly and learn how she reacts to that stimulus. You might find out that she also reacts
well to the spanking of her cunt or her inner thighs. That she reacts, in general, well, to being slapped lightly.
Armed with that, you are now in a position to create an artificial desire, by speaking to her, taunting her,
allowing her to build a fantasy around your words, how you will pinch her nipples and spank her cunt until
it is red and pulsating with heat & pleasure.
Once that is achieved you can build on the foundation you have laid out before you, you are free to expand
on the same topic, provide variations thereof or even venture into enhancements. Spanking her, while tying
her up, blindfolding her, might be such an enhancement.
Farming The Willing

Dominance and submission are not games, they are conscious choices many people on this planet make
daily. It is impossible to create a long lasting relationship with your slave/submissive unless she is willing
to give herself to you. You will be required to gain her trust and create an environment in which she can feel
utterly safe. This does not necessarily mean that there must be any feeling of love involved, but most & best  
relationships which go to the depths and extremes are usually carried and governed by an overall blanket of
affection & love.
My slave had shown her willingness to be dominated and made that decision long before we actually met.
Often it is a matter of farming the willing and then putting that willingness to good use. That is exactly where
your training regime can help.
How To Train Then

Training works best, when you are expanding on natural desires. Take the things your slave loves already
and expand on them. Whether that is cock sucking, ass fucking, spanking, being guided on a leash, being
exposed in public, it does not matter. Pick a topic which your slave is comfortable with or at least willing to
explore further in. Expand that topic, exhaust it and push bit by bit to elaborate on the different
nuances of play.

You will soon see that certain topics naturally lead to another one. Bare handed spanking might easily lead
into some form of mild bondage, as your partner might be more than willing to let you hold her hands as she
is on her belly, or bent over the couch getting spanked. There is no “tree diagram” I could help you with
unfortunately, as there are almost infinite ways on how to progress from one topic to the next.
Seek Specific Advise

As discussed above, your best course of action is to ensure that you are building on topics the person you are
engaging with, is already slightly comfortable with. Sometimes their need, the quick gratification of lust can
help you engrave that this desire is a good, a pleasing one. As there is a multitude of topics out there, my
best advise is that you seek expert knowledge in specific area as you touch on it. I will admit that I am not
very good at bondage yet, while I have extensive knowledge on how to train and use an ass cunt. My
knowledge on bondage is limited, because I have not yet devoted much time to the act of binding my slave,
mostly due to the distance between us. Before I would indulge in bondage, I would make sure to educate

Educate your­self by using workshops, also make sure that you understand what you are doing to your slave’
s mind and her body. It is important that you develop a basic understanding of human anatomy and the
specifics of female anatomy. This is essential knowledge as many of the activities in BDSM can become
very physical.

This instalment barely scratches the surface of the complexities tied into any Master/slave relationship, but
it should enforce the fact that you can not "make" someone your slave. They "choose" to be your slave and
they will most likely choose to be enslaved by you, because you understand and further their desires.
Choosing to be your slave will also heavily depend on you being trusted, in some rare cases with their life
(asphyxi­ation play), you being accepted as someone that will not judge them for desires most people in our
society reject.

Try to achieve trust first, build on that trust, create a sense of absolute security, ensure you are being
perceived as loving and not judgemental and then build on that.

This is only a short post, because the answer to the question is a short one. Treat your slave like you would
treat your most precious possession. Treat your slave like the one-of-a kind being that she is, treat her as if
she was the most import­ant thing in your life and I can guar­an­tee you that you will be able to ask the most
atrocious things of her, and all that you will ever get as a reply is going to be: “Yes, my Mas­ter”.